Doing the Work or Rushing the Process? Slowing Down in Counseling

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I feel like I’m not doing anything in session with my clients,” you’re not alone. This is a common concern among new counselors, graduate students, and even early-career clinicians. Seasoned therapists even experience this from time to time. There’s often a sense of urgency to do something—to dive into interventions, to tackle the “big stuff,” or to make sure every session feels productive. But here’s the truth: slowing down is not only okay, it’s essential.

This is especially true when working with clients experiencing strong emotions or navigating difficult topics, such as trauma or other emotionally charged experiences. Slowing down isn’t about avoiding the work; it is the work. Pacing is critical—not just for trauma-informed care, but for all counseling, and it benefits both clients and counselors.

The Urge to "Do Something" in Session

Many new counselors feel pressure to prove their effectiveness by diving into the “meat” of therapy. This often stems from a fear of not doing enough or a belief that progress is only made through deep, intense conversations. But this mindset can lead to moving too quickly, which risks overwhelming clients and compromising their emotional safety.

It’s important to remember that therapy isn’t about how much you can accomplish in a single session. It’s about creating a space where clients feel seen, heard, and supported. Slowing down allows you to build trust, stay present, and ensure that your client feels safe enough to explore difficult emotions at their own pace.

Safety vs. Comfort: A Nuanced Distinction

When we talk about emotional safety in therapy, it’s important to distinguish it from comfort. Safety means that clients trust you to guide them through their emotions without pushing them into a place they’re not ready to go. Comfort, on the other hand, isn’t always guaranteed. Clients may leave sessions feeling emotionally raw, exhausted, or even unsettled, and that’s okay—it’s part of the therapeutic process.

However, safety is non-negotiable. Clients should never feel abandoned in their emotional experience or pushed beyond their capacity to cope. It’s worth noting that psychological safety is a complex concept, and this brief definition doesn’t capture its full depth. But at its core, safety in therapy means that clients trust you to stay with them, regulate alongside them, and help them return to a place of stability when needed.

The Difference Between "Doing the Work" and Doing Harm

Counseling isn’t about how deep you can go or how quickly you can get there. It’s about how well you can stay with your client, understand them, and ensure they feel seen and heard. This means allowing clients to lead the way while you remain regulated and ready to guide them back to safety if needed.

For example, if a client begins to explore a painful memory or emotion, your role is to follow their lead while staying attuned to their emotional state. If they start to move too quickly or become dysregulated, it’s your responsibility to help them slow down, regulate, and return to a place of safety. This process requires patience, presence, and a willingness to let go of the urge to “fix” or “do” something in the moment.

Skills for Slowing Down: For Clients and Counselors

Slowing down is a skill that benefits both clients and counselors. For clients, it’s about learning to recognize when they’re becoming overwhelmed and developing tools to regulate their emotions. For counselors, it’s about staying present, attuned, and regulated.

Here are some reflective questions to help counselors develop this skill:

• Do I know how to bring my client back to a place of emotional safety if they become overwhelmed?

• Do I know what coping skills or resources work for this client?

• Do I know how to keep myself regulated while staying present with my client?

• What skills or strategies help me process difficult emotions or stories I hear in session?

• What are my beliefs about showing emotion in session? How might these beliefs impact my ability to stay present and regulated?

It’s also worth reflecting on how you respond to your own emotions in session. For example, if you feel yourself becoming tearful or overwhelmed, how do you handle that? While it’s okay to show emotion as a counselor, it’s important to remain regulated and focused on the client’s needs. If you find yourself struggling to stay present, it may be a sign that you need additional support, supervision, or self-care.

Creativity in Pacing: Thinking Outside the Box

Slowing down doesn’t mean stopping the session or sticking to rigid techniques. In fact, creativity can be a powerful tool for helping clients regulate and stay present. For example, you might use metaphors, humor, or imaginative exercises to help clients shift gears when emotions start to feel overwhelming.

One approach I’ve used is introducing a “pause button” or “slow-motion button” in sessions, allowing clients to visualize the act of slowing down. In family therapy, I’ve even created physical buttons for clients to press when they feel the need to pause or stop a conversation. These creative interventions not only help clients regulate but also empower them to take an active role in their emotional safety.

As counselors, we can model the importance of slowing down by using these creative approaches. When we show clients that it’s okay to pause, to take a breath, and to step back from overwhelming emotions, we’re teaching them a skill that will serve them far beyond the therapy room.

Slowing Down Is for You, Too

Slowing down isn’t just for the client—it’s for the counselor, too. For many new counselors, this may be the first time they’re hearing deeply personal and emotional stories from people they don’t know. This is different from hearing about tragedy from loved ones or experiencing it yourself. To be fully present with someone as they share their story is an incredible honor, but it can also be emotionally taxing.

If you find yourself struggling to stay present or feeling overwhelmed by the weight of your clients’ stories, know that this is normal. It’s part of the learning process, and if not learned could lead to a higher risk for burnout. Slowing down isn’t just about pacing the session—it’s about pacing yourself as a clinician.

If you’re ever worried that you’re taking things too slowly, talk to your client about it. Let them know that they can always ask to speed things up or slow things down. This kind of open communication is a hallmark of trauma-informed care and helps build trust in the therapeutic relationship.

Final Thoughts: Slowing Down Is Not a Weakness

Slowing down in therapy is not a sign of weakness or incompetence. It’s a sign of intentionality and care. It allows you to build trust, stay present, and ensure that your client feels safe enough to explore difficult emotions at their own pace.

For new counselors, it’s important to remember that therapy is a relationship, not a checklist. Taking the time to build rapport, model regulation, and establish safety is not only beneficial for your clients—it’s essential for their healing. And if you ever feel unsure about your pacing, remember that you can always seek support from your supervisor, consult with colleagues, or simply ask your client how they’re feeling about the process.

Slowing down is a skill that takes time to develop, but it’s one of the most valuable tools you can bring to your work as a counselor. It’s not just about helping your clients—it’s about helping yourself, too.